Partner archiving: Unedited extra

I was talking with Alex (She's not my determined partner for this unit however) managed to poke some holes where I was trying to ignore them, and Have almost ended up with a different story altogether.
I thought it would be relevant to stick it in:

ok go on shoot
how old is he
Late teens
(hasn't been there that long)
why was he outcast?
Because he trespassed into his villages sacred burial ground
wat ethnicity is he
and villiagers
not really sure yet. all i knew is I wanted him to be from something resemblinga tribe...
(1st thing to work on i guess)
Yep, because his race will determine he attire, and facial features
why wud there be a lighthouse in a tribe type village?
Because their tribe is near the sea, its like a premature lighthouse, more of a viewing source which just happens to be what we would call a lighthouse
woops soz for the long link
no, its gonna be made from stone and the like
hehe np
if the villiagers banished him why do they still give him food?
The only person that actually comes to give him food is the villager he was with when he went tresspassing, who does happen to be a girl, she was more of a lookout when he went over but saved herself rather than him so he got caught
she feels bad enough to continue to come and show some humility, by offering him food otherwise he'd starve without anyway of actually being able to farm in there
is it a working lighthouse or abandoned?
abandoned, it does have a light in there but its more of a stick fire thing
so the villagers dont actually know he is there?
They do because it was them who sent him there, and kind of locked away the key
'threw away the key'
its like he was sent to solitude
or solitary confinement
why now a prison then
only because, 1. i want it premature enough that they didn't think thier own villagers would be capable of any wrong doing.
2. I wanted the lighthouse to be his obstacle
but it couldnt be that premature bcus of the burial ground, if something is sacred than it would have been there of a long arse time
mmm true true
and if the girl is giving him food in secret (if im correct) there would be no need to, it would be the villagers responsibility
seeing as they sent him there
on that topic, i had in mind that it was something of a rotar thing and she'd normally opt to go
so he is in the lighthouse, what happens next?
He's tired of being trapped inside this tiny space and wants to leave
obstacle 1. the door is locked from the outside
2. obstacle 2 the window of the lighthouse is to high to jump from
solution he know how to sculpts, we'll see flash back or something
or evidence in the room
he'll sculpt a kind of grappling hook
Where the rope comes in... I dunno yet
possible random material will be used as rope
he'll attempt to go down the window
grappling hook cracks
moment of suspense
he falls
and he dies..
It wasn't my immediate intention to make something so upsetting
although I realise almost evryone's work will be funny
but he has been free
Death brought him freedom
thats a new take on it
But at the same time its waaaaay too loong to crap in 1 minute
unless some things are implied through his actions
well I was thinking That many of my takes wouldn't be long, so most of the flash backs would be a short flicker when he has an idea lets say
i.e. He'll look overboard, go back inside look in the room. next take well see something he's made, then a little flash back of a kid making something, then he'll have an idea
it needs to be simplified, remember to place ur plot in the 3 structiure thing
Beginning moddle end
yeah, funny I've been trying to justify and all, even did a spider diagram of it
its very ur genre, very a tragic romance...but something doesnt click so much
'Rubs head in frustration'
hold on hold
I am in slight turmoil now though because if I want to imply he's been there a long time but don't want to make an ugly char >.<
And of course I've got other things to think about >.<
Hey I've got an Idea, I dunno what I'm doing with it yet but its slightly the same but differnt
I'm giving him something else to encourage him to leave, Ah
let me write this down somewhere one sec
(I think the bonobo kiara music may have inspired me a little) its almost romeo and juliet ish but its still tragic
WAIT I think there is a problem with his age, he needs to be older
To be lovesick?
do explain why you think so?
ova the girl
(when I write over my second idea it may make more sense)
you know yong guys do stupid things if they really like someone, or so were told
so having in mind that he'd do anything to be with her..
BUT!!! he has been locked up, he would have done from the moment he first got locked up
Aha but this 2nd plot it slightly different from the first idea
its too romantic
Its like he able to leave and come back, but has a pen pal across the way
damn it
I'll write it out anyway see if i can merge something
if he can leave, why wud he need to escape?
ur on the verge of The Hunchback of Notre-Dame
keep it simple!
this is like a girls fantasy
in the second idea he would just go to the lighthouse, see theres another one across the way, see what looks like a figure and pen pal something would go on, maybe old rope between the two. so he attempts to
thats much BETTER!
whats much better o.o
what the second idea?
the second one,
Oh i thought that one would be to much fantasy ish maerial
The first one is more fantasy b'cus its like he will die if the girl doesnt come to visit him
without food and love
which he needs to surrive
but if h's able to do something free willish its better
That would probably make more sense if I actually said it
If he had free will
(when im talking i normally add ish on the end of a word if im not sure if its ok or not)
yea i think so
his objective is to get to this girl anyway possible
I don't thinkI'd beable to get across that the rope between these two lighthouses had been there for a long time
I am thinking of a twist though
either he uses a grappling hook to reach her, or when we actually see the figure we see its a huge grappling hook, (clearly sculpted)
but if i were to the the latter he'd have to make it there.... but the first one he wouldn't have too...
so this character would be obessed right?
he either going to be young and really stupid, b'cus he doesnt know any better.. or
older wiser, because he has nothing else to live for
I'm more in favour of young and dumb
if he were older and wiser he might not try something as reckless to get to the light house
seee u can easier add a comical element to this
he'd probably make a boat to sail across teh riverr
moby dick??
can I o.o
no moby dick xD
i see is that where the comedy comes in
usually when the characters are older they understand that theres nothing in there life worth fighting for
In order to get to the other light house, he sails on his raft, gets attacked by "modby dick" and fights back with a grappling hook?
NO thats not wat i meant!
the story of moby dick
oh oh
(though that was an intresting plot idea ^o^)
the sailor who was obessed witht the whale, who hunted the creature all his life, b'cus there was nothing else worth living of
Hmmm so In that plot I'd switch it to a sailor who was obessed with a lighthouse in the distance, only to find it was just a sculpted piece of art...


  1. Lyn-Dae! I absolutely LOVED this conversation. It made my heart sing a little bit - genuinely. So great to see ideas being chipped away, built back up, and new inspirations bubbling up. This is a lovely 'moment' captured. Also, your blog is an instantly more calm, more focused environment now. I'm going to suggest now (I know, I know, I'm a b*****d), that you re-make your header image: reinterpret your personal brand; go for something more stylised, more graphical and more 'iconic' - a trademark, if you like. Try and think of your blog as a 'whole' - bind the space together using sympathetic tones, shapes, fonts, formats and sizes; a bit like the interior of a chic and fashionable house. Yes, it can be quirky, but it all needs to co-ordinate too.

    Anyway, I genuinely look forward to seeing how your story progresses. Just one last thing - do you think you could make the text a bit larger for the conversation between you and Alex - to make reading it a more comfortable experience. Thanks.

    And (sorry) - I've been meaning to ask this for ages; would you prefer to be called 'Pixi' or similar? What do you like to be called, 'cos I always get the feeling that 'Lyn-Dae' sounds too formal for you? Do let me know.

  2. I will make the writting bigger asap, and regarding to names Lyn-dae doesn't seem overally formal to me~


Important Criticism