Interim Online Review 15/02/2011Hey Lyn-Dae,I think we have a problem! And it's my fault - at least, I'll share some of the blame. I've been watching your character design of Dane develop etc. and have been enjoying the process. Upon reading your script, the bit that simply doesn't gel is the idea of this 'sculpted lighthouse'. So I looked back over your three items and I suspect you've made a mistake; you had a lighthouse, a grappling hook and a sculptor (i.e. - someone who makes sculptures - like an artist!). Have you been reading this word as 'sculpture' - i.e. an object, as in a 'sculpted lighthouse?' If so, you're story is missing a character and Dane is 'irrelevant'. That said, I'm not going to insist that you unpick an entire world, when, admittedly, if I hadn't been so involved with Dane, I would have picked you up on this earlier! So - you get to keep Dane, you get to keep the whale and the grappling hook, but I am going to insist that you improve your third act, because Dane's discovery that the lighthouse is a 'sculpture' just doesn't make proper visual sense.Basically, your story is one of the gap between 'appearance' and 'reality'. Dane dreams of fame and glory (and girls) but discovers things aren't always what they seem. I want you to reconsider the role of the lighthouse in your story and the third act - it needs to be revealed as something more satisfying - a bigger twist, for instance.You might find, however, that the idea of having a 'sculptor' in your story is an exciting prospect... This is another example of your tendency to 'miss' important bits of information. I see I'm going to have to watch you much more carefully ;0)
Your written assignment looks promising in terms of content: i know this is a draft, but please check your sentence structure, as some of what you've written doesn't make sense - and please avoid using the first person 'I' - in your formal writing.This investigation will...Research sources include...etc.
Funnily enough whenever people asked me what I received for this unit I've always said sculptor but I kind of got absorbed in the story. I'll definitely altar the story.I had an Idea that there was going to be a sculptor beside the lighthouse in the beginning but I quite like the idea of Dane going to find a sculptor who is said to be able o sculpt anything even treasure, the con will be he can only sculpt light houses..
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